Chapter 5: Dhuri

There are some people in one's life for whom we want to sing the song, "Kaise Mujhe tum mil Gaye". It was my mental state whenever I thought about Radha. 'Radha' is a divine name and without any doubt, she was a goddess. It is difficult for me to put into words everything I felt for her. I felt happy about it and sad at the same time. Tears with smiles I can say. I had mixed feelings about her. From love to friendship, friendship to love and then complete strangers. A connection which we lost, I lost, on many occasions. It was either a lack of maturity or something else but emotions! One thing which connected us was my city, Dhuri.

I was standing on the platform. I had not informed my family or friends about my arrival as this was supposed to be natural that I will come home. Furthermore, I wanted to walk back to my house that day. You know, how all it takes is a good walk to move on. You have to literally "move" to move on from something. Well, that's what I thought. Things go as we plan? Rarely.

It's not like I was any popular kid back then. There was hardly ever any instance that I met someone known while taking a walk in my own city. So, walking back home from the station gave me a lot of time to overthink and exaggerate my thoughts. From morning Radha was on my mind, On the train I met another Radha by sheer luck. This was too much for me to stop myself from overthinking. 

The train of thoughts that come during overthinking hit me like bullets this time. This time, my thoughts were saying "Radha", but they were not conjuring a picture for me. I have always been great at imagination. Perhaps my creativity line in hand is too big. I always used to imagine scenarios like literally living them. When reading a book, I am the main protagonist, I am the main antagonist, and I am all characters. Sometimes I am fighting a war in one story, or giving birth to a child in another. I am not a mother but still imagining that was quite easy for me. The act itself is not easy, just conjuring up the feelings and physicality in my imagination.

So, this time, why am I not able to get the picture? My focus is on the road, maybe that's why. Don't you think? I am a good multitasker but having safety on my mind, multitasking is a tough task. I am more worried about stepping over dung than getting hit by a vehicle. A vehicle can apply breaks, but a dung is there. It won't move. Anyways, from dung, Dang it!!! Why am I not able to conjure up a picture. Wait, I was overthinking about Radha, why this imagination crisis is becoming my train of thought's latest passenger?

I stood for a moment taking a side in the shade of a tree. I am going blank in my thoughts and I don't really like this. I enjoy overthinking, or I am so used to it that not doing it right is making me go blank. The greyness in covering my mind.

I texted her. Yes! After nearly one and a half years, I texted her. What in the hell am I thinking. I am walking on the road with my phone in my hand and texting somebody, how dangerous is that? Wait, I am exaggerating it again. Texting while walking is dangerous, but texting Radha is more emotionally dangerous to me. I am going home for God's sake. I should not do this. I should delete it. WhatsApp gives the feature of deleting the message right. Hold on, I am blocked on WhatsApp, the text won't reach her. Yes, it's just one grey tick. I have nothing to worry about.