Chapter 6: Good Bye

To my Dear Radha,

I remember the day you got upset with me for texting you. You scolded me for it, but I think you did it because you cared about me. You must have known that I loved you deeply. I can't keep loving you all by myself, Radha. My feelings for you were strong, and all I wanted was to be close to you, to hug you in the morning and kiss you goodnight. My love was real, not just some scientific reaction of hormones. Even now, I think about you every day, and I can't help it. I've met other girls, and some of them liked me, but I still see traces of you in all of them. Kisi me kuch match karta hai, kisi mei kuch, magar tum nahi koi" (Something matches in some, something in others, but no one matches you). You were special, and I don't think anyone else can take your place.

I know, I shouldn't have texted you again, just like you said. Maybe you never really loved me. I admit I made mistakes too. I loved you a lot, maybe too much, and that might have pushed you away. You made me cry, you made me happy, you made me feel alive, and you made me feel like I was dying. And now, you're making me write this, all because of you. I think behind every writer, there's a woman who inspired them, not their mother, but their first love. For me, that's you, Radha, even though I've never actually seen you. Your picture in that golden frame is etched in my heart.

I can't forget our voice calls (imaginary) and endless messages. But one day, you just started ignoring me. You didn't have a minute for my nonsense. I cried a lot, but I couldn't tell my hostel mates why I was so sad. How could they understand what was happening in my heart? I felt like my heart didn't belong to me anymore. When I closed my eyes, I tried to imagine your face, but it was getting harder. Our connection was fading, but it was still strong enough for you to unblock me without me knowing.

How can I accept this, Radha? You don't give me any time now. I helped you with your problems, assignments, and questions, but did you ever think to listen to mine, even if you couldn't solve them? Or ask about them?

Chapter 5: Dhuri

There are some people in one's life for whom we want to sing the song, "Kaise Mujhe tum mil Gaye". It was my mental state whenever I thought about Radha. 'Radha' is a divine name and without any doubt, she was a goddess. It is difficult for me to put into words everything I felt for her. I felt happy about it and sad at the same time. Tears with smiles I can say. I had mixed feelings about her. From love to friendship, friendship to love and then complete strangers. A connection which we lost, I lost, on many occasions. It was either a lack of maturity or something else but emotions! One thing which connected us was my city, Dhuri.

I was standing on the platform. I had not informed my family or friends about my arrival as this was supposed to be natural that I will come home. Furthermore, I wanted to walk back to my house that day. You know, how all it takes is a good walk to move on. You have to literally "move" to move on from something. Well, that's what I thought. Things go as we plan? Rarely.

It's not like I was any popular kid back then. There was hardly ever any instance that I met someone known while taking a walk in my own city. So, walking back home from the station gave me a lot of time to overthink and exaggerate my thoughts. From morning Radha was on my mind, On the train I met another Radha by sheer luck. This was too much for me to stop myself from overthinking. 

The train of thoughts that come during overthinking hit me like bullets this time. This time, my thoughts were saying "Radha", but they were not conjuring a picture for me. I have always been great at imagination. Perhaps my creativity line in hand is too big. I always used to imagine scenarios like literally living them. When reading a book, I am the main protagonist, I am the main antagonist, and I am all characters. Sometimes I am fighting a war in one story, or giving birth to a child in another. I am not a mother but still imagining that was quite easy for me. The act itself is not easy, just conjuring up the feelings and physicality in my imagination.

So, this time, why am I not able to get the picture? My focus is on the road, maybe that's why. Don't you think? I am a good multitasker but having safety on my mind, multitasking is a tough task. I am more worried about stepping over dung than getting hit by a vehicle. A vehicle can apply breaks, but a dung is there. It won't move. Anyways, from dung, Dang it!!! Why am I not able to conjure up a picture. Wait, I was overthinking about Radha, why this imagination crisis is becoming my train of thought's latest passenger?

I stood for a moment taking a side in the shade of a tree. I am going blank in my thoughts and I don't really like this. I enjoy overthinking, or I am so used to it that not doing it right is making me go blank. The greyness in covering my mind.

I texted her. Yes! After nearly one and a half years, I texted her. What in the hell am I thinking. I am walking on the road with my phone in my hand and texting somebody, how dangerous is that? Wait, I am exaggerating it again. Texting while walking is dangerous, but texting Radha is more emotionally dangerous to me. I am going home for God's sake. I should not do this. I should delete it. WhatsApp gives the feature of deleting the message right. Hold on, I am blocked on WhatsApp, the text won't reach her. Yes, it's just one grey tick. I have nothing to worry about.

Chapter 4: Homecoming

Radha, why have you done this to me? Why did you leave me? I agree I was not perfect but my love for you was true. I can live without you, but I don't want to.

All these thoughts were driving me crazy while I was listening to songs. Somehow I managed to collect my tears and hide them when my roommate reached the room.

“Hey Pj, when you go home, remember to bring me some sweets this time"

“Oh, I almost forgot it's Friday today, I better hurry or else I will be late to catch the train."

Within my formal clothes, I took Erickshaw to the university gate. The train was at 17:00 hrs. It was already 16:00 but I was not much worried as trains were usually late. I reached the station and bought my ticket. Waiting for the late train to come, I decided to remember my Radha one more time. I started to play music and went back to Radha's memories. After some time, the train arrived.

I went towards the general coach, as the system has divided it. After complete scanning of one coach, I finally found a seat. My journey was not long, but I still dreamed of fantasy coming true.

You know that common fantasy of boys travelling alone on a journey. May a beautiful girl sit with me? Nothing will happen next, I know.

The fun part, fantasy came true. A beautiful girl from Ludhiana station entered my coach. Luckily the front seat was empty. She was wearing a beautiful white marathon shirt, with purple rose-shaped earrings. Her long hair tied in pony style was making me turn towards her. No doubt she was the only beautiful girl on the train at that time. When she entered, it was like everything else faded away. The crying child in the next seat, the annoying loud talking aunty, everything was mere a blind spot for me. I couldn't even notice that my phone was ringing. I noticed her smiling at me.

Oh! Somebody is getting the beautiful's attention 😍😋😋 

It was not me. It was my ringtone. She found my ringtone funny. After some rings, it ended. I started to think of find ways to initiate a conversation. But again my phone rang. This time she laughed. I declined the call and made eye contact with her.

“Sorry, that was not an appropriate ringtone for this time."

“Oh, never mind, but for what time is it appropriate by the way?"

“Hehe, it’s just a ringtone for making beauties smile."

“Oh! Someone flirting? But I liked that"

“Thanks. You an athlete?"

“Yeah, I am joining a marathon for charity" she said with proud in her voice

“That’s good, you must be proud of yourself" 

“Yeah, I am."

I guessed I just gave a conversation killer sentence from my side but she continued it, Wow!

“You don't like sports?" She said with some exclamation on her face

“I do like sports, I like sports players"

“Ha-ha, Good one. Good Humour" She said with a Laugh

“Thanks, Maybe it's the only thing I am good at" I replied joining her laugh.

Our conversation went on for around half-hour. Discussed all my and Radha's stuff. She heard it well without being annoyed.

It was her station. She dropped at "Gill" station. I waved her goodbye. I recalled that I have not even asked her name. How rude of me. I shouted loud ,

“Hey, I forgot to ask your name"

“Radha", she replied. “But not yours"

“Good name, I am Pj, Always of my Radha, not yours" I replied.

The rest of my Journey went in thoughts of Radha. But the confusion was about which Radha I was now thinking about. The one whom I have never seen or the one who just left? Anyways first-time fantasy was completed and my journey was too. I was home. I was at Dhuri.

Chapter 3: The Friendship Day

I was speechless. She asked it so simply that I had no answer to it. Now I realized that I am in a problem. I started to think for various possible answers which I can give her. I was showing her a smile, but inside me a whole tornado was going on. Fortunately, this tornado was stopped by hourly bell. Oh God, I love that bell. Without wasting even a single minute I stood up. I was about to move that she spoke again

"Pratap, Happy Friendship Day"

What should I answer now? Isn't this going too fast? Somebody wake me up from dream please.

"Happy Friendship Day, Ms. Mandy"

Finally, I went out of the class, directly towards my hostel. Mandy talked to me, for the first time in a year she talked to me. That's amazing. But she will surely ask for an answer of the same question tomorrow. I must have the answer to that. But how will I tell her that she looks exactly like her, My First and only love: Radha.

Hostel room was empty, turned on the Boat Rockers 200 and started to play music. Music which was favorite of Radha. She was my favorite. I started to play same old Hindi sad songs. The music that directly touches the heart, the lyrics which remind me of my story. My story with her. My story with Radha. 

Radha was a common friend of me and my old school classmate Preet. Preet introduced me to her on Facebook, I guess when I was in the first year of my Botany.

Yes! I am a business student right now, but I had dropped one year from Botany. Why Dropped! Because of her, Radha

Radha was so amazing. The way she talked to me even being strangers. She was the reason I installed messenger for the first time. The fun part was, I have never seen her, but I was totally in love with her personality. You know the first impression, she rocked at it. I chatted with her for almost 24 hours continuously on the first day. She was interested in me too. Otherwise, why would someone talk to a stranger for almost whole day??? Was this love at first sight? Yes, it was, but not sight, it was love at first contact and it was so strong.

Chapter 2: The Ruined day

So, I got an absent. During the whole class, I was depressed. I did not give much attention to the lecture. The teacher gave me bad looks, but I ignored. How dare he gave me absent?? I was late just by 4 minutes, not even 5. Now I can never get my attendance to 100%. I was just talking with 'inner me' that the hourly bell disrupted my attention. I was the first one to move out. Even before the teacher said to leave. I didn’t care for him to say that. I was a busy man right, Mr. Teacher!

Now it was the class, for which I am always excited. It was the soft skills class. The only class infect for which I am always excited. I went straight to the room, no water, no restroom time, directly to the class. I took the second seat. Why was I excited for the class? Ooh, it was Soft skills? Maybe that's why?? No way. I mean, yeah, I am a bit better at it, but the reason was something else. The soft skills class was elective subject so 2 or maybe more sections were merged in that class. In other words it was her class. No, not the teacher. Although she was beautiful too, no offense. It was actually the girl of another section. I was into her from the first year. I have been following her to her classes. Sometimes I even missed my classes because of her. Many times we had eye contact but I never had the courage to talk to her.

The class started. All the students were present. She was sitting just by two seats left to me. I was full with anxiety. I was thinking about her that suddenly madam asked me to join her in front.

“Now Pratap will give us a demonstration of how to sleep in class" Madam giving me bad looks pointed out.

I went in front and was in a bit of wonder now what to do? But me being me, I took advantage of the time.

“Yeah, sure mam, with your guidance, I will definitely share my tips of such a talent" I said jokingly.

“Oh, go ahead. I am feeling so positive to hear you"

“I hope I will stand on your standards mam"

Now here comes my little demo on how to sleep in class.

“Sleeping in class is a symbol of intelligent students. Good Morning to one and all present here physically and mentally, my name is Pratap aka Pj. Now I will give you some tips about how to sleep in class without getting caught. First of all never sleep in class if you are having habit of snoring “the class busted out in laugh. I took a quick look at her face, she was smiling. This gave me more confidence to entertain the whole class.

“See guys, try to take first seats if you want to sleep because teachers usually ignore them due to chaos from back benchers. Back benchers, if you guys want to sleep, carry a towel cloth with you. Make sure it is below your forehead while you are sleeping. This way your head will get some heat and if you got caught make the reason that you are sick. Teacher will most probably check your temperature from forehead and pass his or her judgement." my demo was too good.

“Nice job Pratap. You are a good speaker"

“Thank you mam"

Learn from him. How to be calm at such situations and use your brain to enjoy the opportunities. But Pratap I don’t want to see you sleeping next time in class. Everyone open your books now, it’s time to start chapter 3: The signs.

I walked back to my seat. Surprisingly she spoke to me for the first time.

“That was nice Mr. Pratap”

“Thank you Ms."

“Ms. Mandeep, actually don’t call me that. Call me Mandy"

Call you Mandy?? Is she saying we are going to talk again?

“Thank you Mandy"

“And don’t mind, now can I ask why you used to follow me last year?"

I was shocked. I was not prepared for such situation. I didn't saw that one coming. I talked to myself, No doubt it's true, if beginning of the day is bad, your day will go bad.

Chapter 1: Start off Blogging.

Going to start my first blog. I heard it’s a good idea to move on. So here I am, unaware of what to write or what you mean by blogging. By the word blogging it seems to mean something like daily diary writing. So I am going to the same.

Hello, my name is Poker. It's a weird name, I admit. She used to say the same. Who is she? Good question! Keep up with me and we will run through all this crazy life.

Let's start with the morning. It's a good morning. Woke up late as I slept late. Late for class for sure. Oh, I forgot to give my details, make anyone care about that?? Even if they don't, it’s my blog 😜. You guys already know my name. I am a student of business second year right now. I am studying in Lovely Professional University (LPU) Jalandhar. Writing this blog is one of my tasks given to me in class. We can say it a task or a suggestion. Whatever it is I am doing it.

So I was late for my class. It was 8:30 in the morning. The class was at 9:00 am sharp. If we get late by 5 minutes, we don’t get attendance.

"Wake up you sleepy head", my roommate almost dropped me out of bed. "Make your ass move fast or we will get late for class."

“What’s the time dude? Are we late", I woke up, rubbing my eyes.

“It's 8:30 already, we will get later today for sure."

"Oh shit, what happened to my alarm? Why didn’t it work."?

“It worked dude. You snoozed it and slept again."

Damn this snooze button. I started to think whether to go to class or not. It was for sure that I am not going to get my attendance today, so joining the class without attendance would be a good choice? I was just wondering in my 'inner me' world, I got a phone call. It was from Priya, my classmate.

“Hey, Good morning Pj."

By the way I am Pj,

“Good Morning Priya.

"Pj, can you please mark my attendance, I can be late today."

“Oh sure, I will try"

"Thank you, my roll number is 34"

“Bye"

Now I have the reason to attend the class. I got up from bed, keeping the debate with the inner me aside. Had my bath, Dressed up for class and ran for class. It was already 8:58 when I left my hostel. When you move outside your hostel you see many more students who got late, I was not alone. I ran towards my Block and reached in iconic 5 minutes. I know it’s not that fast, but iconic for me. 

I entered the class at sharp 9:04. I did not have the attendance. So sad for me. I was too puffed to argue with the teacher. I simply took my seat and started to work. It was my first absent so far in this semester. May be that's why it pained more or it was the fact that Priya was in class and she got the attendance.